


The Free Spirit

by Mirgaxus



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Creepy, M/M, POV Regulus Black, POV Remus Lupin, Very AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-13
Updated: 2017-05-18
Packaged: 2018-10-31 08:22:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10895442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mirgaxus/pseuds/Mirgaxus
Summary: ((ABANDONED. More about this in notes.))When Regulus is eight years old, he gets a little brother. But there is something odd about Sirius...Excerpt:His name is Sirius, their mother told Regulus, in hushed delighted whisper, and Regulus remembered how the wand's light had glinted off their mother's new golden ring, heavy and thick on her left hand.He is your brother.Regulus had looked back at Sirius, and he had wondered, and had almost asked his mother why they had changed their minds about a second son, but something had stopped him.He had finally gotten what he had always wanted, so why question it now?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm rather excited to share this story with all of you! :) Thank you NachoDiablo and Wereflamingo for all the betaing, encouraging and typo fixing; writing without you two would be lonely.
> 
> //9/2018:  
> When I first started writing this story, it was a background story for one character, taking part in my original fantasy world. "Sirius", as 'adult', is one of the side characters in my 'ultimate gonna-write-one-day storyline', and I got inspired to write out his story in more detail for myself. 
> 
> Halfway through the writing (I had 3 chapters done, rest pretty much planned out), I got the inspiration to mix that story with HP fandom. So I started writing The Free Spirit, for the fun of it, for the fun of mixing the two worlds. I rewrote the first two chapters: orig and fic versions have the same premise, but different settings, characters and ending. These differences made it fun to explore my idea/premise in more detail.
> 
> Now, however, I've started working on writing the original universe, and I won't continue The Free Spirit as a fic. I'm sorry for all the readers for abandoning the fic; over a year it has gained quite a few subscribers, and all the positive feedback has given me strength in believing that I want to work on it. Abandoning the fic isn't because I'm bored with it; it's rather because *it is* my baby, my favourite story, and I want to give it my all, and turn it into a proper fantasy novel.

Regulus had always wanted a brother. (A sister wouldn't have been too bad, either, but if he could have had a sibling, and could have chosen, he would have picked a brother.) He used to ask for a brother from his parents when he had been younger, but he had stopped when it had only served to annoy them.

  


Orion and Walburga disliked children, and they were happy to have only one. They told Regulus to stop wanting something that would never happen, and to accept his cousins as his friends and playmates; but Regulus didn't like his cousins and avoided them whenever they came for a visit, because they were mean and looked down on him with disdain, as he was the youngest one, the lonely one, and easiest to bully.

  


When Regulus was eight years old, he had got used to being alone. He had almost forgotten his longing for a brother.

  


And, then, he got one.

  


~

  


The brother was small, but not as small as a baby. He was but a little toddler, with the same pitch black hair as Regulus. He looked up at Regulus from the floor with his pale eyes, somehow looking serious and older than his apparent age, as their mother introduced them to each other in the middle of the night, in the flimsy light of a wand, after waking up Regulus.

  


_His name is Sirius_ , their mother told Regulus, in hushed delighted whisper, and Regulus remembered how the wand's light had glinted off their mother's new golden ring, heavy and thick on her left hand. _He is your brother._

  


Regulus had looked back at Sirius, and he had wondered, and had almost asked his mother why they had changed their minds about a second son, but something had stopped him.

  


He had finally gotten what he had always wanted, so why question it now?

  


He had hugged the little boy before their mother took Sirius away from his bedroom, and Regulus had gone to sleep with a smile, thinking of all the things he'd show to his new little brother the next day.

  


~

 

At first, it was the best thing that had ever happened to Regulus, to have his silent and agreeable brother by his side. Regulus showed him around their home, a maze of a house which had belonged to their family for centuries. He showed Sirius all the paintings of their haughty ancestors and whispered to him the horrific stories he had been taught about them. He told Sirius about the great-great-uncle, who had been eaten by the demon he had summoned. He told him about Aranea, the greatest warlock of her time, who had been caught by the church and burned in the capitol, and whose daughter, Sagitta, had burned the priest's family alive in revenge. Sirius listened to Regulus' stories, never interrupting him or losing his attention, and Regulus felt like a proper big brother as he taught Sirius all the important and interesting things he had learnt himself.

  


In the weeks following Sirius' appearance, the house was often full of people who had been invited to see the new boy. Their mother showed him off proudly to every new visitor and though the adults peered at little boy, exclaiming their congratulations to their parents, they kept their distance from the boy and never pat Sirius on the head or ruffled his hair like they did to Regulus. Despite his young age, Sirius never lost his temper or showed signs of tiredness in these meetings, standing patiently without a smile next to their mother, with only his pale eyes moving, keenly observing the guests who had filled their home. Afterwards, when the heavy winter cloaks had been put away and the adults had drinks in their hands, their mother always ordered Regulus to take Sirius away to play while the adults retreated to the library.

  


Regulus was eager enough to comply. The two boys would run to Regulus' room and change from their formal, tightly fitted purple trimmed robes to more practical, lighter robes, and then they would sneak past the house-elves in the kitchen, and get into the small pantry. There, behind the crates and away from others' eyes, they would sit and Regulus would tell more stories to Sirius. Sometimes they brought a book or toys from Regulus' room with them, and once Regulus snatched some small apple pies for them when they ran through the kitchen while nobody was watching, house-elves all out of sight.

  


Pies happened only once, because later Regulus learnt that somebody had seen him taking them and had told their mother about it; probably a house-elf they hadn't noticed in some corner of the kitchen. Regulus was smacked for it and he went to bed that night crying, after swearing repeatedly to their mother that he would never again take anything without permission. _You are not to corrupt Sirius_ , their mother had shrieked while their father had had him over his knee. _You are to show him what it is to be an obedient, good son!_

  


Later, years later, Regulus would realize what they had been so afraid of and why, but back then he had only heard _'You should be more like your brother, he is better than you'._ Because wasn't Sirius already all they asked for in a son - attentive, silent, and never mischievous? He didn't need Regulus to show him how to be a good boy, he was that naturally. It seemed to him that their parents were only afraid that Regulus' bad traits would corrupt all of that goodness, and make Sirius as bad as Regulus was.

  


The seeds of bitterness and jealousy were planted in Regulus' mind that day - that maybe Sirius was the one their parents prefered, that maybe all Regulus could do was to imitate his little brother to avoid disappointing their parents.

  


~

  


When Regulus turned nine, the seeds had grown and the bitterness he felt for his little brother leaked through every day. While Sirius had kept to his good ways and their mother had started to take him away from Regulus more and more often for private lessons, Regulus had started to grow apart from both his brother and their parents. In his cries for attention, he stole and broke little things; not very often, but whenever he couldn't handle the bitter emotions inside him. He had temper tantrums that left the elves tutting at him for days, telling him that _'he was a big boy now, the heir of the family, and should be over the outbursts like that by now'_.

  


Regulus wanted to scream at them, to shout at them that he didn't want to be the big boy, he wanted to just be him, and for things to be like they used to be - for his mother to smile at _him_ and not at Sirius, for his mother to take _him_ for special lessons and not Sirius.

  


Many of the elves felt deep love and sympathy for him, and did their best to keep his outbursts and misbehaviour out of their parents' ears. However, some felt it their duty to report the little heir's actions to the master of the house and his wife. Regulus' toys were taken away, he was often locked in his room and many a night he was sent off the table to think about his behaviour with empty stomach.

  


But even the punishments felt half hearted and lost their edge over time. Soon he was no longer smacked or slapped for his rudeness, no longer shrieked at, and there was an indifference around his parents about his behaviour that frustrated and discouraged Regulus. He feared that they had given up on him entirely and were turning Sirius into a new heir. He felt angry.

  


For all his faults in temper, Regulus was also an observant boy. He had noticed how their mother had become fond of her golden ring, the ring which Regulus had first seen the night Sirius had appeared. Their mother enjoyed showing off, wearing new jewelry that matched her carefully planned outfits every week, but that ring was the piece that stayed on her finger every day. It wasn't even the prettiest ring their mother had - it was an odd, roughly smithed piece which was thicker on the top and had no jewels on it. Regulus didn't know where their mother had gotten it from, but he decided to take it away from her.

  


At least then she couldn't stay indifferent to Regulus, after losing her most valued possession.

  


~

  


In the end, stealing the ring was surprisingly easy. Regulus stayed awake until everyone in the house was asleep, and then he sneaked into their parents' bedroom. He kept quiet as he opened the door and slipped inside, the moonlight illuminating the room for him. He saw the jewelry box sitting next to their parents' bed as he walked to it and took the ring out. It was heavier than he had imagined and as he turned it over in his hands, his fingers found an unexpected edge. He pressed slightly and the ring's thick part flipped open, allowing a small stone to roll into his hand.

  


He hesitated for only a moment, but guessing that this stone and not the ring itself was what their mother most valued, he decided to change his plans. He put the ring back to the box as it had been, but slipped the stone into his pocket. Satisfied with himself, he turned and almost gave himself away as he was startled by the sight of his little brother standing in the corner of the room.

  


Sirius was looking straight at him, with his ever so serious, pale eyes, standing fully clothed in the corner. Chills ran through Regulus. It was then that Regulus had to believe what he had always known in the back of his young mind, but never thought of consciously. All the little things pointing to something strange, something otherworldly going on with his brother.

  


Why hadn't he ever wondered where Sirius slept at night? No bedroom had ever been prepared for the boy. Maybe it was because he didn't need sleep.

  


Regulus had no answers, only questions he felt afraid to think about for long in the dark, quiet room. Sirius was silent as ever and their parents were still asleep, so Regulus slipped out of the room, with his heart beating in his chest and the tiny stone in his pocket.

  


~

  


The next few days were miserable for Regulus. Their mother didn't notice anything was amiss, and Regulus, shaken from the encounter during the night, had lost some of his fight to rebel. He felt scared, lonely, wandering in the house in between meals and lessons and nights. He wished that his life would make sense again, and that he could go back to those simple days when he had been simply glad to be getting a little brother.

  


Then one night, as Regulus lay awake in his bed, his door creaked as it was slowly opened.

  


Regulus didn't turn, frozen as he was in his bed, and could only listen to the footsteps of a child getting closer to his bed. He didn't move as he felt how the boy slipped under the covers and lay down behind him. Regulus' skin broke in cold sweat as he felt little arms coming around him, hugging him.

  


The touch felt unfamiliar and unnatural, doubly so because it had been a long time since anyone had hugged Regulus. He turned his head, despite his misgivings, and looked at Sirius, whose head was next to his on Regulus' pillow.

  
"Brother," whispered Sirius, and smiled at him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I bumped up the estimated chapter count from six to eight.
> 
> Thank you NachoDiablo and Wereflaming for betaing!

Their mother didn't notice anything was amiss. She didn't notice how Sirius' attention often slipped away from her, how the little boy had started to smile at Regulus whenever he saw him - his smile just a small twitch of lips, shy and secretive, and gone before the adults could see it. She didn't notice that Sirius had started to slip away from the master bedroom every night to Regulus' room, where he crawled into his bed and hugged Regulus tightly. By the time Regulus woke, Sirius had always disappeared back to their parents' rooms.

 

Regulus was somewhat terrified at this turn of events, but he had to admit to himself that he was happier than he had been in a long time. When he was able to push away his doubts regarding Sirius' true nature, he was able to enjoy having his brother back. He started to tell Sirius the stories again, and Sirius listened as attentively as he used to, but he also started to comment on them, to laugh at them with Regulus, to ask questions which Regulus always was happy to answer.

 

One night Regulus sneaked back to their parents' bedroom again and put a little piece of stone inside the golden ring; similar to the one he had stolen and had kept with him ever since. He hoped that his theft would go unnoticed, if their mother ever decided to check inside her ring. Something kept him from returning the original stone; maybe it was the thrill he had for knowing that he had successfully stolen something personal, something valuable from their mother. It was a small victory, but in Regulus' world, all victories were rare; small or not.

 

(Years later, he would wonder why his mother hadn't protected the stone better. Had she trusted the wards on their house to keep outsiders away? Had she trusted that nobody inside the house would dare to touch her belongings? Or had she been too afraid to use magic on the stone?)

 

Regulus had been afraid that Sirius would be there, in their parents' bedroom, looking at him as unsettlingly as last time, but the corner had been empty. When Regulus had gotten back to his own room, he had found Sirius sitting there already on Regulus' bed, waiting for him with a warm wide smile and their favourite book in his hands.

 

It was easy to believe then that he had imagined everything that one night not too long ago, that his imagination had run too wild, that this boy was just his little brother and Regulus was silly to think anything else. Maybe Sirius had been having nightmares and trouble with sleeping; maybe that had been the reason he had been awake and in their parents' bedroom.

 

Not because there had been something wrong with him... something unnatural.

 

Regulus smiled at his little brother, sat down next to him and took the book from him. Yes, he thought to himself, that must have been it. How childish he had been to get so frightened of his own brother.

 

Life went on after that for months, with everything settling into a rather comfortable routine in Regulus' life, until the summer when their cousins came for a visit once again.

 

~

 

Regulus was ten years old that summer, and Sirius was two, although he looked now closer to Regulus' age than his own; something Regulus prefered not to dwell on too deeply. (He had heard of stranger things, after all, and nobody in the household had brought up Sirius' growth speed, so why worry about it?) Their cousins - Cissa, Bella, and Meda - some years older than Regulus and many intimidating inches taller, had come for a long visit without their parents. Regulus' and Sirius' parents were not too happy to have more children under their roof, but apparently it was a favour between the adults. Regulus had long ago learned that favours were a powerful currency and not to be underestimated, but that didn't make it any easier to accept that most of his summer would be ruined by his cousins' presence.

 

For the first week it seemed like it would not be too bad. The house certainly felt crowded to Regulus. He and Sirius kept sneaking around in their own home, doing their best to avoid the girls and not get trapped in the same room with them. However, to Regulus' relief, the cousins spent most of their time outdoors, presumably exploring the city; Regulus couldn't have cared less what they were up to, as long as they stayed out of his sight. Regulus and Sirius spent a lot of time in the library whenever it was empty of other people, or they hid in the pantry room, in their familiar secret spot behind the crates.

 

And so, after the first week, Regulus had been almost ready to drop his guard, because they had barely even seen their cousins outside the meal times. But all the good things never lasted, and one day the cousins came back from their outing earlier than Regulus had anticipated. They walked into the kitchen just as Regulus and Sirius stepped out of the pantry.

 

"Isn't it Reggie and his freak," called out Bella, who was thirteen, tall and slim and sadistic, all the traits inherited from her parents; clearly delighted to catch the boys while the adults were elsewhere. "Hey Reggie, show us what tricks it can do."

 

Sirius looked up to Regulus as the other children walked over to them, and Regulus wished that he was bigger, braver, that he could protect his little brother like he should have been able to. He put his hand on Sirius' shoulder, looked up at his cousins, hoping that his face didn't betray any of his fear, and said, "Shut up. He isn't a freak."

 

The cousins laughed at his words. Cissa, who was fourteen and who Regulus had thought was nice and sweet until she had one time laughed when Bella had been breaking Regulus' toys, asked him sweetly, "What is it then, if not a freak? Tell us."

 

And Regulus answered defensively, "He is my _brother_ , and you will stay away from him!"

 

It seemed to be the answer they had expected, as they cracked and laughed maliciously at him.

 

"It is not your brother," said Meda, almost kindly, but mostly with exasperation. She was sixteen, almost a young woman, beautiful in her bright blue robe, but there was nothing beautiful in her condescending smile at Regulus. "You dimwit. Don't you know that everyone is laughing at you behind your back? At how you have latched onto it?"

 

"It is not going to be your pet forever, Reggie," sneered Bella. "When it is ready, they are going to take it away from you and it is going to go willingly, forgetting all about you. It doesn't care about you, you fool."

 

Regulus' eyes felt hot and with a yell he ran to push Bella, not wanting to hear her words, not wanting to consider if there was any truth behind them. As they laughed at him, someone shoved him and he fell to the ground. They left then; probably guessing that their time would be up soon, that the house-elves would need to intervene and get the adults if the confrontation went too far. Regulus could hear their laughter. He imagined them talking about him, laughing at him.

 

Sirius kneeled beside him and looked at him with wide, worrying eyes. "Are you hurt?" he asked with a small voice. Regulus shook his head and wiped his tears away, feeling frustrated and angry at himself for being so weak.

 

"I'm not," he said to his little brother, who helped him to get up. "They are just bullies and we should ignore them."

 

~

 

That night, as Regulus lay awake in his bed, fighting back the humiliating memory and the biting words of their cousins', he found himself wishing, his heart twisting painfully inside his chest, that things could have been different. That he could be the big brother Sirius deserved, the brother who could defend himself and Sirius against people like their cousins, that he could be strong and keep people from coming and taking Sirius away from him some day.

 

But he was not strong, and Regulus cried, feeling pathetic and weak and a failure. He wished that Sirius could have been born first, that Sirius could have been everything Regulus couldn't be for them, to be the one to fight the battles that Regulus _couldn't_. To be big and strong and brave enough for them both.

 

Sirius didn't come to Regulus' room that night, and Regulus was glad for it. Crying alone was embarrasing enough; he couldn't stand having to cry in front of his little brother, who admired him so.

 

~

 

The next morning, Regulus woke up to a house that was at the same time oddly silent and loudly odd. He didn't see his parents or Sirius the whole morning, but he caught glimpses of house-elves in the hallways and rooms, and every time he saw fear and distress in their faces. (Seeing house-elves out of the kitchen would have been unsettling enough, as they usually did their best to kept out of the way of wizards.) Their cousins didn't seem to know the source of the unsettling panic in the elves either, nor why the breakfast hadn't been prepared and started. They sat on the couch in the main hallway the whole morning, observing with hawkeyes every door and whispering together. Regulus knew this, because he himself was sitting in the shadows of the alcove, located near the top of the staircases, where he had a good field of vision of the both the main hall and the second floor.

 

The children learnt what had caused the elves' upset when it was time for the lunch. The adults and Sirius came out of the master bedroom in the second floor, so Regulus was the first of the children to see them. It took a few seconds for Regulus to realize that the person with their parents _was_ Sirius, however, because the boy had changed drastically from the last time he had seen him yesterday.

 

No longer a head shorter than Regulus, he was taller than even Meda or Bella. His demeanor had changed ever so slightly and Regulus thought it possible that he was the only one who could see the difference. There was steel in his eyes, and he walked with a confidence that had been missing from Regulus' little brother.

 

Regulus noticed how their parents looked shaken and tense as they walked to the stairs, Sirius just a few steps behind them.

 

While their parents passed Regulus without noticing him, Sirius stopped and looked straight at him, and Regulus would have been scared of this half stranger, but he could see his brother's kindness and love there, behind the familiar and yet so unfamiliar steely pale eyes.

 

Sirius smiled at him and offered his hand to Regulus, and said, "Let's go to the lunch, little brother."

 

Their parents had stopped as Sirius spoke and it occured to Regulus that this might have been the first time they had heard Sirius speak. Their mother looked faint and like she wanted to say something, or maybe scream, but their father took hold of her arm and shook his head at her. They turned again, and continued down the stairs, hand in hand, without a word to the boys, and went ahead to announce to the girls that the lunch would now be served.

 

Regulus stood up and stepped out of the alcove. He took Sirius' hand, which was warm in his own trembling hand, and together they walked down the stairs. As they passed the cousins, who stared openly at the two of them, Sirius' hold of his hand tightened and Regulus saw him sneer at them. Regulus felt a bang of dark satisfaction, which was followed with relief when instead of biting words their cousins only flinched, looking at Sirius with wide eyes, and kept quiet.

 

~

 

That evening, their father summoned Regulus to his study. It was a room which Regulus had only seen a couple of times before, when he had been taken there by his mother to be punished, so he went there feeling wary and afraid that somehow their parents had learnt of the theft he had done months ago. He was afraid that they thought Regulus was somehow responsible for Sirius' change.

 

Their father was a grouchy man who kept to himself most of the time, letting his wife manage the house. He was a distant figure in Regulus' life, and walking to the study felt to Regulus like entering a cave of something dangerous, something better left alone and undisturbed. It was a smaller room than most in the house, next to the library, with no windows. There was a fireplace, but Regulus had never seen it lit. A large desk made of dark wood and ornated with strange engravings dominated the room, with their father sitting behind it.

 

Regulus let the door close behind him and walked across the small distance to stand in front of the desk, keeping his posture formal and straight under their father's piercing eyes. Their father was a handsome man in his aristocratic way. He lacked the strength and muscle of those working outdoors, but possessed the sleek, black hair of the family as well as strong, handsome facial features. There was grace in his moves when he walked around the house, always carrying his weighty robes with dignity. His pale eyes on Regulus were sharp and piercing.

 

Regulus was struck by the realization of how much Sirius resembled their father. Until this day, Sirius had been like a mirror image of Regulus, like a little statue made after him with all the little flaws chipped away. Still, there was none of that warmth and love in their father's cold eyes that Regulus had seen in Sirius'.

 

Their father propped his elbows on the table as he leaned closer, eyes never leaving Regulus'. "I wanted to ask you something about Sirius," he said, and Regulus was surprised to see how his lips twitched into almost a sneer at Sirius' name.

 

Regulus nodded, not sure if he was allowed to speak or not.

 

"Has he ever hurt you?" their father asked him, his eyes locked to Regulus'. "Do you want me to send him away?"

 

"No!" Regulus said loudly before he could stop himself. "He... he hasn't hurt me. Ever. He wouldn't."

 

Their father looked at Regulus for a while, eyes searching his face for something, before he seemed satisfied and nodded. "Good. I'm glad there was no need to worry."

 

Regulus didn't know where their father had gotten the idea that Sirius would harm him, and he didn't want to know. He also had a hard time imagining their father worrying over anything, especially over Regulus. Their father had always seemed to regard the children as an unavoidable annoyance and he had barely acknowledged Regulus even when they sometimes happened to cross each others' paths in the hallways or in the library, or even when they sat down for shared meals at the same table.

 

Truthfully, Regulus suspected that most days their father happily pretended that he had no sons at all.

 

"But if anything out of the ordinary happens," their father continued, "come and tell me about it. Not your mother. I'll take care of it."

 

Regulus nodded, not wanting to ask how their father would 'take care of it'. He didn't want to consider if their father meant he would take Sirius away...

 

Their father sighed and poured himself a glass of whiskey. He looked away from Regulus, and said with a disappointed frown, "I'm afraid that your mother has let her ambitions to get better of her caution. She might have created something she does not know how to control." He took the glass into his hand, and swirled it slowly before adding in condescending tone, "It is a regrettable weakness of hers. She is able to disregard reality when it doesn't suit her wishes... She forgets her priorities. It is dangerous madness to assume that the reality ceases to exist when ignored."

 

Regulus didn't have anything to say in response to those heavy words, so he kept quiet, hoping their father would not hear Regulus' heart beating fast inside his chest. He didn't seem to, because after he had spoken, his thoughts seemed to drift away from the study to somewhere far away as he sipped his drink slowly, his brow furrowing further in deep thought. Regulus waited for him to continue.

 

After a long, uncomfortable silence, their father seemed to snap out of his far away thoughts long enough to realize that Regulus was still standing there in front of his desk. Regulus was dismissed, and it took all of his willpower to stop himself from running off to find Sirius and make sure (for his own peace of mind) that his brother was still alright, and that nobody had harmed or taken him while Regulus had been away from his side.

 

Instead, after a brief moment of composing himself and letting himself feel proud for keeping his calm, Regulus went to the kitchens to request evening snacks to be sent to his room, before he went off to see whether Sirius had yet been freed from the private lessons to spend some time with him before bedtime.


End file.
